3.04.2010

oh. number one hundred and twenty-one.

I didn't believe my boyfriend when he said how much he loved me.
I tried to make him jealous, and then laughed when he got angry.
I broke up with him when he needed me the most, made his life (and mine) hell, and slept with three other men to convince myself that I didn't still love him. I'm sorry I can only tell him about two of them. He just will never be able to understand.
I was too full of pride to go back to him and say I was sorry, and that breaking up was a mistake.

I'm SO HAPPY that these things are behind us, and we are happy and back together and things are the way they used to be...because I was SO close to throwing away four years with the only man I will ever and could ever love. And I'm so lucky that he loves me enough to forgive me, and was strong enough to take me back.

It's been a long time since thinking about those memories has made me cry, but reading everyone else's mistakes has made me realize how much mine still affect me.

But not a day goes by that I don't think (even fleetingly) about the excruciating pain I caused him. And I wish that would change.

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