3.04.2010

oh. number one hundred and twenty-three.

When I was 13, I found out my best friend in the entire world was cheating on me. We had been together for two years prior. And yes, I realize that this seems quite young to fall so helplessly and irrevokably in love with someone but that's what happened. I was sitting in his living room when he told me what was tearing him apart for weeks. He really loved me. I knew that. And he begged me to forgive him. Called me every day and left tear filled messages on my voice mail. For three months, I ignored him. We were both miserable without each other but I never said a word. Then one day out of the blue, he called. One last chance to try and make it right. I let him come over and we talked. He said he couldn't live without me. Which I know seems melodraumatic but I knew he meant it. I replied, saying I couldn't let myself be that vulnerable again. He left crying. Then a month later, I got a call from his mother telling me that he had commi tted suicide the night before.

Because of me, a young life was cut short. And to this day, I still haven't forgiven myself for that.

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